The Last of my 20s...

I truly believe that I have had several ‘mid-life crisis’ throughout my 20s..

But now more than ever I feel one coming on as my 30th is every so slowly creeping up on me.

How do I whisk away the feeling of failure?

How do I accept that my plans did not go as planned by the time I reached 30?

This, among so many other thoughts, keep me up at night.

While still living at home, makes me feel like a child, I know it has given me a lot of freedom. Not only financially, but not having the usual responsibilities of a 29 year old such as a major rent (not that I could even afford it at this point..). Because of this, I have been able to splurge on things to improve my craft, of video and photo art.

With having a converted garage to work out of, a space of my own to let my creativity flow and product content that I am proud of. All would be impossible if I was out on my own.

The freedom of being to travel.

Because that, that is what I want to do in life, is to travel more.

Would I love to be able to afford both travel and my own housing? Yes.

This is where I thought I’d be by the time I would hit 30. But it’s looking further and further away to be able to make that a reality.

So again, how do I truly feel ok with my ‘change’ of plans in life?

No idea.

Without trying to sound super religious, I deeply, and profoundly believe that nothing in this life lasts. Good things happen to bad people, and bad things happen to good people. We work ourselves to death for what? in 100 years, your name, your memory will be lost in the wind. Meanwhile the mountains, the ocean will remain. So what is the point of missing out on things that you enjoy?

I realize that my plans didn’t go as I thought they would when I was 10 years. Shit happens.

I need to let go of that part of me that is locked up by the fear of failing. In the end, on my deathbed (if I get that lucky) will I remember the times I was so stressed out worrying about tomorrow? Or will I remember the things I saw, the people I was with?

I want to believe it’s the latter.

So this is a promise to myself, a reminder to myself - to read this on my 30th. Life is ever changing. I need to roll with the punches and let go of fear. For regret should be greater than fear.

So cheers Michelle..enjoy the last of your 20s. See you on the other side.